Walking through the aisles of Target, my mom and I read our list of items needed and pulled them off the shelves and into the cart. She likes to push the cart because it relieves her from the embarrassment of walking with a cane. I hold on to the front end so she doesn't push too fast and lose her balance. She doesn't complain like I did when I was little.
"NO! I got this. I don't need your help." I yelled.
She just strolls along. We work as a team.
"I think we need some laundry detergent," Mom reminds me.
"Yeah, I think we have that on the list, don't we?" I ask her, knowing it's holding firm at number three on the white piece of notebook paper she has in her hand.
"Oh ok," she says relieved.
We pace through a few more aisles. She is getting in her only exercise of the day while I am exhausted from teaching all day and cooking dinner and walking the dog.
"We probably need to get some washing powder," Mom says.
There are days when my mom will use a phrase from a long time ago or refer to something in a way I have never hear her do so in my life time and I will suddenly see the disease rearing it's ugly head in the nicest and gentle-ist of ways.
"Ok," I agree. "That's a few rows down here." I point ahead to the front of the store.
Quickly, I grab an outrageously priced gallon of milk from the dairy section. While she peruses the ice cream. She chooses chocolate and we continue on our route toward the cleaning products. We turn down the laundry aisle.
"Oh!" she says loudly, "We oughta get some Tide."
There are other days when the constant repetition of words or questions or phrases grates on my nerves. It frustrates and agitates and I have to continually remind myself that it's not her fault. I have to willfully suppress the desire to say, "yeah, you just said that" or "we already talked about that" because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
"Yep, I was thinking the same thing," I said, hauling a bottle of liquid Tide into the cart.
"Good," Mom sighs loudly.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Saturday, March 5, 2016
A Day Out
Mom is so cute. She is going out today with a friend. That never happens. People rarely visit. Nobody comes and picks her up to take her out, except my sister sometimes.
So today, she was out of bed early, which almost never happens. The woman who cuts her hair is coming to get her, taking her to cut her hair and then taking her out for lunch. She is all dressed up in a red sweater that I gave her, probably 15 years ago. She has the scarf on that the hairdresser gave her for Christmas. She doesn't care that it is warm outside. She is wearing her dress shoes. She is clearly excited.
I am nervous about letting her be without us and in the care of someone else. But I am happy for her. She is changing so quickly. The #Alzheimers is beginning to take more of her. And so many people who she loves are missing out. Have fun mom.
The LONG ROAD to the Car
Balancing an angel food cake in the crook of my elbow, I picked up another cake carrier with my left hand before slinging my black and white chevron bag filled with birthday gifts over my right shoulder.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
"Yep!" my dad responded.
"Oh no," my mom said. "I need to go to the bathroom first."
Dropping my bag to the floor, I set the cakes gently on the table and ran to the front of the house to grab the dog so she wouldn't run toward the front door when mom came back in to go to the bathroom. If the dog escaped, she would be gone forever.
Mom shuffled into the bathroom while I put the dog on my bed. Suddenly, I heard dad's walker scraping across the front hallway.
"Dad!" I yelled. "Don't go outside until we are with you."
"I'm not," he lied. "I'm just getting ready to go outside."
"Ok, I am ready," Mom interrupted.
I ushered her toward the front of the house, placing her cane in her hand. Once again, I loaded my arm up with cakes, grabbed my keys and pulled my bag up over my arm. I hurried to the front door. The dog was secure but I had to make sure that no parents escaped the front door without me.
"Let me run all of this to the car and then I will come back up to the house to get you," I said firmly.
I packed up the car and rushed back to the front porch where I helped my mom down the first set of steps, followed by holding my dad's walker still on every other step while he leaned his full body weight on it to descend from the porch. Slowly we walked to the second set of steps where we repeated the process. Once they were both firmly standing on flat land, I ran back to the car and opened the doors for them. We loaded up. I buckled mom's seat belt and then jumped into the driver's seat.
We were finally ready for the 15 mile ride to my sister's house for dinner which took us as long as it did just to get in the car.
Until next time,
Michele
"Are you ready?" I asked.
"Yep!" my dad responded.
"Oh no," my mom said. "I need to go to the bathroom first."
Dropping my bag to the floor, I set the cakes gently on the table and ran to the front of the house to grab the dog so she wouldn't run toward the front door when mom came back in to go to the bathroom. If the dog escaped, she would be gone forever.
Mom shuffled into the bathroom while I put the dog on my bed. Suddenly, I heard dad's walker scraping across the front hallway.
"Dad!" I yelled. "Don't go outside until we are with you."
"I'm not," he lied. "I'm just getting ready to go outside."
"Ok, I am ready," Mom interrupted.
I ushered her toward the front of the house, placing her cane in her hand. Once again, I loaded my arm up with cakes, grabbed my keys and pulled my bag up over my arm. I hurried to the front door. The dog was secure but I had to make sure that no parents escaped the front door without me.
"Let me run all of this to the car and then I will come back up to the house to get you," I said firmly.
I packed up the car and rushed back to the front porch where I helped my mom down the first set of steps, followed by holding my dad's walker still on every other step while he leaned his full body weight on it to descend from the porch. Slowly we walked to the second set of steps where we repeated the process. Once they were both firmly standing on flat land, I ran back to the car and opened the doors for them. We loaded up. I buckled mom's seat belt and then jumped into the driver's seat.
We were finally ready for the 15 mile ride to my sister's house for dinner which took us as long as it did just to get in the car.
Until next time,
Michele
Thursday, January 7, 2016
A Little Help from Some Friends
Research is my favorite hobby. When I realized my parents were not going to get "better" and that my role in their life was changing, I starting reading as much as I could about taking care of them. Nobody tells you that some day, your parents will be your responsibility and they certainly don't tell you what you will have to do, how to do it or how long you will have to do it. Here are some links for those of you in the same boat. Consider it a little help from some friends. (All links were updated at the time of publishing.)
Huffington Post's CARING FOR ELDERLY PARENTS is a series of articles and links that come in handy. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/caring-for-elderly-parents/
AARP is a great resource for older people but also for those who care for them. Here is one article: http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-09-2013/my-life-as-a-caregiver.html
Of course WebMD is a reliable source. It is also great when your dad refuses to go to the doctor. I don't recommend SELF diagnosing but diagnose away when it comes to stubborn fathers. http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/features/role-reversal-caregiving-for-aging-parents
While we are on the health track, you can always count on the MAYO clinic too: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/caregivers/in-depth/aging-parents/art-20044126
Finally, here are some resources from PBS: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/
This is obviously not a comprenhesive list but as time passes, I will continue to share any resources that might be beneficial and I would appreciate you doing the same in return.
Until next time,
Michele
Huffington Post's CARING FOR ELDERLY PARENTS is a series of articles and links that come in handy. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/caring-for-elderly-parents/
AARP is a great resource for older people but also for those who care for them. Here is one article: http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-09-2013/my-life-as-a-caregiver.html
Of course WebMD is a reliable source. It is also great when your dad refuses to go to the doctor. I don't recommend SELF diagnosing but diagnose away when it comes to stubborn fathers. http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/features/role-reversal-caregiving-for-aging-parents
While we are on the health track, you can always count on the MAYO clinic too: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/caregivers/in-depth/aging-parents/art-20044126
Finally, here are some resources from PBS: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/
This is obviously not a comprenhesive list but as time passes, I will continue to share any resources that might be beneficial and I would appreciate you doing the same in return.
Until next time,
Michele
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Care-giver and Roommate
When I was younger, I never would have imagined that I would eventually be the one responsible for the care of my parents. Old people scared me. They made me sad, especially when I saw them alone at the store or sitting on the bus stop. And, while I loved my parents dearly, I had no desire to be the one helping them up and down the stairs and in and out of bed when they got older.
"Oh, that's terrible," you say.
It might be terrible. But it is the truth. There are people who are created to care for others. Some of those people are given soft and gentle arms in which tiny babies can be cradled. Others are given strong firm arms meant for holding tightly to restless children and rebellious teenagers. And some get the resilient and comforting arms necessary for caring for the sick and/or the elderly. Of course, many grow and adapt to the needs of those around them. I just never wanted to be the last of the three.
Now here I sit in a tiny room at the front of the house I grew up in and I am surrounded by boxes filled with clothes and books and things I will probably never need. My parents room is at the other end of the house but we meet in the middle at the bathroom and the kitchen.
I cook for them every day. I clean every weekend as well as do the grocery shopping. I move the shower chair into the bathroom so my dad can clean himself up. I never walk up the stairs first because I have to follow closely to make sure they don't fall backwards. (I learned my lesson two years ago when my mom slammed her head on a parking lot in Iowa while she tried to step up onto a curb.) I carry laundry up and down the stairs. I drive them to appointments and the bank. I remind them what belongs in which cabinets and which closets and which rooms on a daily basis. I walk slowly with them. I sit at the dinner table every night with them and listen to stories and sometimes I just listen to them eat (which used to make me crazy). I watch their favorite shows with them like Castle and Dancing with the Stars and all of the idealistic movies on the Hallmark channel.
In many ways, I am their care-giver. In some ways, I am their roommate. I had hoped my stay would be short but it seems that won't be the case. I am here for the long haul.
How about you tag along?
Until next time,
Michele
"Oh, that's terrible," you say.
It might be terrible. But it is the truth. There are people who are created to care for others. Some of those people are given soft and gentle arms in which tiny babies can be cradled. Others are given strong firm arms meant for holding tightly to restless children and rebellious teenagers. And some get the resilient and comforting arms necessary for caring for the sick and/or the elderly. Of course, many grow and adapt to the needs of those around them. I just never wanted to be the last of the three.
Now here I sit in a tiny room at the front of the house I grew up in and I am surrounded by boxes filled with clothes and books and things I will probably never need. My parents room is at the other end of the house but we meet in the middle at the bathroom and the kitchen.
I cook for them every day. I clean every weekend as well as do the grocery shopping. I move the shower chair into the bathroom so my dad can clean himself up. I never walk up the stairs first because I have to follow closely to make sure they don't fall backwards. (I learned my lesson two years ago when my mom slammed her head on a parking lot in Iowa while she tried to step up onto a curb.) I carry laundry up and down the stairs. I drive them to appointments and the bank. I remind them what belongs in which cabinets and which closets and which rooms on a daily basis. I walk slowly with them. I sit at the dinner table every night with them and listen to stories and sometimes I just listen to them eat (which used to make me crazy). I watch their favorite shows with them like Castle and Dancing with the Stars and all of the idealistic movies on the Hallmark channel.
In many ways, I am their care-giver. In some ways, I am their roommate. I had hoped my stay would be short but it seems that won't be the case. I am here for the long haul.
How about you tag along?
Until next time,
Michele
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