Sunday, October 29, 2017

What It's Not

Alzheimer's is not initially a fatal illness. It is a thief that steals tiny bits and pieces of being with the ultimate goal of destroying a person.

It is not an on-your-death-bed, unable to care for yourself disease. It is washing the dishes by hand but not remembering where the towels are to dry them. It is eventually drying those dishes but not remembering where they go or if they even belong to you.

Alzheimer's is not being unable to walk to the bathroom. It is bathing once and then again and maybe considering it a third time because you don't remember if you bathed or not. It is using the toilet but not being quite sure of how to properly clean yourself. It is flossing your teeth but not brushing. It is washing your hair but not rinsing. It is sometimes forgetting to go in there all together for an entire day.

Alzheimer's is not initially a situation that requires outside care such as nurses or a facility specific to the disease. It is needing to be surrounded by your family, people who love you, people who love you even though, people who can remind you that you are still completely normal even though you keep calling the dog the wrong name or you have asked 17 times what classes your grandson is taking in the last hour or you can't remember to saw with the serrated knife instead of just ripping through the crusty bread of your sandwich until very little bread is actually intact.

Over the last few weeks, life with a parent with Alzheimer's has become increasingly difficult for me. Seeing the change right before my eyes is frightening and sometimes overwhelming but I am also in awe. My mom's need to be needed is very strong right now. She wants to be useful and helpful so I have been giving her small, short, easy tasks like folding the reusable grocery bags and putting them away while I store the food in the proper places.

The answer in the midst of the changes, however, is not to get someone else to take care of her. Many have suggested that I get in-home health care for her or hire a care-giver which is, quite frankly, absurd. My philosophy on caring for elderly parents is certainly evolving but it is much like my philosophy on education. I am a facilitator for their lives. I am working hard to create an environment in which they can thrive as independently as possible. If you create a hospital-like or prison-like atmosphere, the tenants of that environment will act as if they should be hospitalized of imprisoned. If you facilitate an environment of serenity and growth where change is acceptable and not a reason to stop caring for someone, you offer a sense of hope and peace and happiness.

Alzheimer's is not an easy road to travel and there are many days, I'd like to make a left and head off on another path. I have stopped wishing we could make a u-turn and head back to simpler times and I am embracing the uncertainty of what's ahead because I won't let fear win.

Alzheimer's is not an excuse to leave. It is an opportunity to return the favor your parents gave you.