Sunday, December 24, 2017

Christmasing On

Our Christmas traditions have changed dramatically over the years. Some traditions have faded to black and new traditions have begun. We used to spend every Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family. I grew up with 11 cousins and one sister so our family gatherings were loud, fun, laden with favorite foods, and completely packed with people. The dads watched a lot of football. The moms did all the cooking and cleaning. The kids played. Then on Christmas morning, we journeyed out to spend the day with my dad's small family.

As the years passed, I began to participate more in the preparations, engaging my love for baking and meal prep. I enjoyed nothing more than baking and cooking for dozens of family members. But, our gathering became considerably smaller year after year, as cousins got married and eventually we celebrated only with my mom's twin sister and her family. Finally, after a falling out with some cousins, that tradition ended as well.

Now, as my parents stroll into their 50th Christmas together (49th as a married couple), I am merely a facilitator of joy for them. I realize that the time I have left with them is short and I also realize the time I have left preparing a Christmas is short. So, I sleep very little, I bake and cook a lot, and I try to cater to the wishes of my parents as often as possible. We do not spend Christmas with my mom's family at all. My dad has no family left. But on Christmas Eve, my best friend and her family joins us for dinner and Christmas day includes church and an early dinner with my sister and her family.

Christmas is sometimes more difficult than joyful these days. The dissolution of our family base has been most difficult for my mom but now, I think it might be toughest for me. It is so hard to watch as mom understands less and less while she forgets more and more. I miss having her help stuffing manicotti noodles for Christmas Eve dinner and squeezing out the press cookie dough. I wish she could still go out for a walk in the snow with me. But we do what we can which usually includes watching a Hallmark movie and drinking a little Rumchata. It's hard for dad too as he watches over her medicine routine and helps her help me so she can feel like she is a part of getting ready for the holiday.

Yet, we keep Christmasing on... We decorate until her heart's content and bake her favorite cookies and visit with the few friends who will pass through before the new year. We sit together to write our Christmas cards and she complains about how I vacuum. And we find happiness in the very little moments and the memories that come up for her in the process. Most of all, we hope. We hope that in spite of the difficulties and the changes and, often, the isolation, this is NOT the last year. We hope for many more.

Until tomorrow...