Last week, she took two baths, just hours apart. This morning, she brushed her teeth, applied her face cream, combed her hair and put everything away before she brushed her teeth, applied her face cream and combed her hair a second time. She did it all back to back and had no recollection that she had done it the first time through.
My mom and her Alzheimer's walked hand in hand into a new stage of life. While I am certain it isn't, in the least bit, the scariest stuff we will see. It is still frightening. Some days, I sit back and watch as she stumbles through repetitions because it is upsetting to her if I draw attention to it. Other days, when time is not on our side, I have to tell her, "you already did that mom" and redirect her to her next task.
There are days when my redirection makes her angry. She snaps at me. I know her frustration is really with her brain and not with me but it stings. It is usually those same days when she is least like "my" mom. And I miss my mom.
I miss conversations about life and sharing my day or an experience with her. I even miss her telling me what to do as if I am still a teenager. "You know, Michele, you really need to wipe down that tile in the shower when you get out of there." "Did you lock that front door? What about the back door? Is it locked." "Get your dog out of that living room and off the couch. She is going to tear it up." She was a total nag.
Gratefulness offers a silver lining on our dark days. Mom thanks me all the time and says I love you every day. Often, she stops what she is doing, no matter what it is, and says, "You are such a good person, Michele." I will cherish that forever.
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